Happy Father's Day!
A happy reminiscence about the man every one of my kids call "Dad"
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Recently I was bouncing around Facebook and found this old post I made about Mike. As most of you know by know, I was married three times, but Mike is the only person who helped raise all my children. He was like a father to all of them and loved them as his own. So, Happy Father’s Day!
I hope you enjoy this stroll down memory lane.
How’d you guys meet? We were both volunteering, helping mutual friend. Mike arrived at my house to help set-up a crystal show on my front lawn, and my friend and I both thought he was super cute. (You can read all about this in my Substack, How I Met Your Father).
First Date: We went out to a movie in what he amusingly termed his “date rape truck.” 🤣 When we arrived at the movie and, again, back at my house, he opened the door for me. However, it was because the passenger-side door could only be opened from the outside! He said he was embarrassed for years about the condition of his truck when we met, but I always reassured him I thought the way he made do with less was admirable. And that was the truth.
How long have you been together: We were together for eighteen years.
Kids: Dixie, Mike’s daughter from his prior marriage, was about to turn eight when we met. Quinn was my youngest, who Mike later adopted, and is one year younger than Dixie. They were fast friends from the start. Kelsie is Mike’s ex-step-daughter who he raised since she was a baby. She was grown when we met, but we enjoyed seeing her and her kids on holidays. Melody and Crystal are my two oldest biological children. They were fourteen and twelve when Mike came to live with us. Mike loved to spoil them with snacks when they were doing homework and liked to make them laugh. He always had a way of getting them the perfect presents on their birthdays and Christmas. It was a nice dynamic. Daphne did come live with us for a few years while she was in college and would come visit often after that. She calls Mike, “Dad,” to this day. David lived in Anacortes with Liam when I first met Mike, but soon moved to Utah not long after. It was Mike’s greatest joy over the years to take David’s kids, our grandkids, four wheeling and making them laugh the same way he did with our kids.
Who was interested first: Probably me. 😊 He did ask me out on my front lawn that day, but my ex, Liam, actually “chased him down” to tell him I was looking forward to his call not long after that.
Who is taller: He was 6’ 2” and me, 5’7”.
Who said I love you first: I have no idea, but we told each other we loved one another every day, many times a day from not long after we met until the day we came home from the South Pacific and he lost consciousness for the last time eighteen years later. I still tell him I love him often, and I like to think he still hears me.
Favorite TV show to watch together: We watched a lot of true crime documentaries and probably every horror, catastrophe, and creature feature ever made. I think our favorite movie ever was Dale and Tucker vs. Evil, a silly parody of slasher films. Mike loved UFO, ghosthunter, and bigfoot documentaries, too, though I did usually read a book during those shows, as they didn’t hold my interest the way they did him. Once in a while I’d put on a straight-up comedy, and he’d always enjoy those, too. Neither of us liked drama. We’d had enough of that in the real world.
Most impatient: It depends on the circumstances! Probably a tie. He might say me… *wink*
Most sensitive: Again, it depends on the topic. The things that got him, I generally handled well, and visa versa. Under stress, he was a great copilot! We balanced each other well. He was a deeply caring man. That was the thing I loved about him most.
Loudest: Most of the time, neither of us are loud, which also benefitted our relationship. We did both have big personalities, though!
Most stubborn: God help us, we were both equally stubborn. But, I’d say Mike was probably more trusting of my stubbornness than I was of his, bless him. Once I asked him why he wasn’t responding to something I said, and he said, “Because I know you’re right.” There you have it.
Falls asleep first: No contest. I can often fall asleep as soon as I say, “I’m falling asleep.” He used to say he never met anyone who could fall asleep as fast as I could. It was a wonder to him.
Cooks better: I’d say it’s a tie. We both love to cook. Mike was the best campfire cook I ever met! He was a gourmet glamper. He’d come back from camping with the kids and regale me with tales about how the people in the next campsite were eating hotdogs and chips while he was cooking steaks, corn, and baked potatoes over the fire. He also loved to cook tacos for the family or a big batch of lingcod fish and chips after a fishing trip. When it comes to cooking on-recipe or more traditional faire from memory, however, I shine.
Better morning person: No contest. I’m was the morning coffee maker. Our usual morning conversation, if any (lol), usually involved me talking over something I’ve obsessed about since 3am and him responding, “It’s too early. Not awake yet.” 🤣
Better driver: It’s hard to compete with a professional! I’m a good, defensive driver, but Mike was truly gifted. He could handle a vehicle in crazy circumstances that I simply would never be in, if at all possible. Is that a tie? He could drive over obstacles in the wilderness and get out of a scrape on the road without a scratch like no-one I’ve ever seen before or since. After all, he did race Baja as a professional driver.
Most competitive: Wow. Well, he used to compete as a professional, whereas I avoid overt competition at all costs. However, I am a perfectionist with goals to be at the top of my game in everything, so… I guess we’re both crazy competitive in our own ways. We’re never competitive with each other, which is probably a good thing. We both have encouraged each other to be all we can be in every way, which is part of why our marriage worked. We competed within the world, not with each other. I think we both viewed being in each other’s lives as winning!
Where do you eat out most as a couple? At home, of course! We were all about takeout and DoorDash. Our favorite was Mexican food. Mike also loved to make friends with local chefs, and would often bring home some off-menu specialty item made especially for me. It made him super proud to be able to do that for me.
Who is more social? Mike is the type to go places and see people constantly. He was the type of person who would say, “I need to see how the shop is doing on my car, I’ll be right back,” and drive to the mechanic to chat for two hours instead of just picking up the phone to make the inquiry. I, on the other hand, thought that was nuts. However, I LOVE all my friends, coworkers, family. Mike and I both had introverted and extroverted moments, and fortunately, they usually meshed well.
Who is the neat freak? More me, but both of us, for sure! Neither of us can stand clutter, and love to get rid of crap we don’t need. (However, he was a bit more of a hoarder than I am and didn’t care about what the inside of cabinets looked like. Out of sight, out of mind for him.) Mike had been a ship’s captain on luxury yachts, in charge of assuring everything was perfect, so he didn’t like it when people left a mess anywhere. He’d often come into the living room in the evening and say, “I cleaned the kitchen for you!” Having said that, this was also funny because I’m usually a clean-as-you-go kind of person, so I didn’t ever really leave messes, though when the kids were young, this was a big help. Mike and I would clean in different ways and at different times, which was good. Twice the cleaning!
Where was your first kiss? I’ll never forget him giving me a peck on the cheek after our first date. I fell for him hard at that moment. The first time he really kissed me was during what I think was our second date. We were on my couch after watching a movie together on the little TV he brought over to my house. It was a stunning first kiss, and though his incredible thoughtfulness had already impressed me, that kiss sealed the deal for sure.
Do you get flowers often? Mike loved to get me flowers and little gifts. He’d often bring me flowers, a candy bar, some present. Little presents were almost a daily occurrence for the entire eighteen years we were together. In fact, I still have about a dozen orchids, all of which he gave me. I liked to surprise Mike with flowers, too. After all, it isn’t just the girl who should get flowers. My gifts to him were mostly acts of service, however. We each did a lot for the other every day.
How long did it take to get serious? I haven’t been a casual dater since college, and we both had kids, so that makes any date, in my book, serious pretty quickly! I bought him a cell phone on my plan after about a week of dating, and we were living together within about a month, with the permission of the kids. I could tell Mike was a keeper very quickly.
Who plans date night? To me this is a weird question. I feel like my whole life with Mike was one long date. We didn't define any night that way. Every day together was special, no matter what we were doing. In fact, many of our first dates included the kids, so that made even spending time with our kids feel special. I think the closest thing is to dates were the trips we went on, just the two of us. We loved going to Costa Rica, the South Pacific, Ecuador, Peru, Alaska, Moab, and the Olympic Peninsula. We didn’t start doing that until the kids were grown, but they are particularly fond memories.
Who picks where you go out to dinner: Whoever thinks of a good idea first!
Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong? We never looked at things that way, and we asked for each other’s input regularly. I suspect Mike would say he admitted he was wrong more often… to keep himself safe -ha! However, most people would say it’s because he trusted me.
Who has more tattoos? He got them first, but I have more.
Who sings better? I’ve honestly never heard him sing! But, man, I loved his voice. He had a beautiful, deep voice.
Hogs the remote? Meh. Mike used to say I picked better movies, but he liked TV and just used the remote more. So there was really no “hogging” in the world of our remotes.
Spends the most? Lol. Weeeeelllll, he was a 4-wheeler, so there’s no contest there. However, most of the Amazon boxes have my name on them! Mike used to joke that the delivery man always knew when we got to Moab because the boxes immediately started coming. 🤣The majority of our money has always gone to our kids, however, even now that they are adults. That was something we always agreed upon.
Did you go to the same school? Nope. He went to high school in Southern California, though I did go to college there. I went to high school in St. Louis.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together? Interestingly, the most remote trip we ever went on together was our last, to the South Pacific. We were able to visit Tahiti, which was amazing to visit thirty-five years after my first trip, Samoa, Cook Islands, Williams and Fortuna, and Fiji. Those were the last two weeks we spent together, and I will cherish those memories forever.
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What a great post! I love it. He sounds so kind, sweet, and thoughtful. I’m so glad you had him in your life. 💜💜💜💜💜
Nicely done.